Why taking a break is important.

Today I’ve really had to take a step back. I’ve always found it really hard to know when to do this and I’m still learning, but today is a day i just need some peace.

I’ve always had in drummed in my head by my ex that I was never aloud a break. I was a mum. I should of been up with him every morning before he went to work at 6am. Even though the kids where babies or didn’t have school until 9am.

If the house wasn’t in its immaculate state everyday and a freshly cooked dinner on the table I was a lazy fat bitch.

I wasn’t aloud to be tired. I wasn’t aloud to get overwhelmed. I wasn’t aloud to be ill with my mental health. I wasn’t even aloud to be ill in general.

My feelings where never considered. I was supposed to be a machine. So on the very rare occasion I wasn’t in top form I would be made to feel so guilty.

Don’t feel guilty for taking a break.

While I was on my own for nearly 3 years with the kids, I didn’t have anyone to answer to and it was still something I would struggle with. If I relaxed, took a break from cleaning or cooking. Wasn’t being Mary Poppings with the kids, I would still feel so guilty.

It was my best friend who said to me one day “why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?”

She was right. Why was I? The only person making me feel this way is me. There’s also years of trauma involved in these feelings, and realising that helped to heal some of it.

It’s still something I struggle with to this day. I always feel like I should be doing more even when it’s not physically or mentally possible. I’m always worrying.

Even without mental health problems, just being a mum. There’s so much guilt around it. Everyone wants to be doing better then the next mum or feels like they aren’t as good as other mums.

Stop! Take a break.

Again my lovely best friend said to me on one of my many melt downs. “Niketa, you need to be kind to yourself.”

That’s a phrase that gets thrown around a lot lately, but she was so right and it really stuck with me.

She’s full of amazing advice and has kept me alive without even knowing it on many occasions, but when she said to me “you’re kids are the most loved kids I know. You care for them feed them play with them. You’ve never walked out on them.”

She also went on to say “everything your stressing about is minor. The house work will be there tomorrow, the kids aren’t going anywhere if you don’t play with them today. You’re not going to be any good for them if your burnt out, take some time for yourself.”

Once again this women was right and I want anyone else to know the same. We are human. Sometimes there’s so much pressure from so many places to be this perfect mum, partner, friend. When in reality is doesn’t exist.

Perfect doesn’t exist.

We all need time.

I’m really lucky to have such a good friend and such an amazing partner. He has been so good with me, my children, my mental health problems, just everything.

I’m getting better at recognising my limits now, and speaking on them too. A lot of that is because I’m now in a relationship where I am heard. I’m cared about and I’m very looked after.

For the first time in my life I have someone that truly accepts me for me and has my back 100%. I tell him if I’m not ok. If I need some time, if I feel like I’m going to loose my shit and Ive had enough.

So after all the stress of chasing this move over the last few weeks, packing the house up ect. That’s what I need today. A break.

Nothing extravagant. I mean I do wish I was sat on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails getting a tan.

Self care is important.

So today I have decided to do….. nothing. Yep absolutely nothing. I’m drained, I’m tired. I feel quite emotionally unstable, like I could cry at any moment.

This is where I have to be kind to myself. I’ve noticed this is how I’m feeling without having an explosion. I’ve told my partner how I feel. And the best thing….. it’s ok.

I’ve sat on my arse all day still in my pjs whilst his bought me chocolate coffee on tap. I haven’t done any cleaning. I don’t intend to cook. I haven’t done anymore packing. I haven’t chased my housing trying to do their work for them.

Tonight I’m going to have a soak in the hottest bubble bath. I’m going to do a face mask. Watch a film with the kids snd other half whilst having loads of cuddles.

I’m not going to feel guilty. It’s ok to need some time. It’s ok to take a break. It’s not worth running myself into the ground and loosing my head.

I am human. I am not just a mum. I’m not a machine and neither are you.

If you need to lay in bed all day just to gather strength. Do it. If you need to lock yourself in the bathroom and have some time on your own in the bath or to cry in the shower. Do it. If you are tired have a nap. If you need to see a friend. Go.

Everything will still be there the next day. It’s important you are too to be your best self.

You have to look after yourself sometimes. Don’t feel guilty for it.